How dare you watch a movie inside with the gorgeous spring weather coming around? Shame on you. Take the screening outdoors with that significant other.
The next time you want to watch a movie on a date, which is, like, all the time, and you’re not sure what to queue up, pull up this list of Tribeca Film Festival movies that you and your date will probably like, because they’re going to be that good. Not in New York? A lot of films will be available for you to order on Cable on Demand or online. Holla!
Guilty-pleasure movies = what you watch when your girlfriend is gone (“gone” as in “gone out” or actually “gone”), and your friends are busy, and you’re home alone, and there’s nothing on TV but wait…you kind of like that movie. The only movie that’s on and isn’t 300 for the billionth time. You can never tell anyone you like this film.
Striking out lately? Feeling a bit out of the game? Take inspiration from these guys, and get ready to find your mojo. These guys are guaranteed to make you feel like the coolest guy in the room, and even if you still feel lame, there are lessons to be learned.
Some movie dates can be a little far-fetched — who wants to film a movie about watching a movie? The directors have to come up with other options. Sometimes, they get a bit starry-eyed by their own big budget and forget us, the commoners who consider anything above $30 for dinner an outrage. Here are the dollars and cents for some of Hollywood’s most notable dates arranged in order of ridiculousness.
No, we aren’t talking about dating, relationships or sex. But we do think this is basically an entire conversation you should be having on your next date. So here are some Hollywood movies that would be a lot better with leprechauns. They would explain a lot about the movie, whether it’s various plot elements or, perhaps, the entire reason for the movie’s existence. It’s a whole new kind of “green screen.”
Drive-ins are one of those institutions that feel like Americana from the days of yore. Yet watching movies outdoors has an undeniable aura of sexy and summer. And we all know sexy and summer should equate into sexy and summer dating.
So if you’re going to watch a movie with a girl on a warm night, which you probably will at some point in the next few weeks because Netflix and HuluPlus are hella cheap, this is how you do it.
PLEASE NOTE: Feel free to go as low key as laptop/iPad (leaning in close together while watching) or as over-the-top as you like (i.e. rent a screen and a projection device). Or if you insist on someone else doing the work, lots of cities do great outdoor screenings throughout the summer.
Feel free to adjust wholesomeness levels as necessary, but you totally can’t credit this post if you somehow wind up at a weird extreme, like watching YouPorn while drinking grape soda in the gravel parking lot of a trailer park.
Be outside. It’s crucial to be outdoors to watch a movie outside. Screened-in porches or rooftops or balconies are ideal. A grassy field is not, because no matter how whimsical and fancy-free that is (damn you, Zooey Deschanel!), your significant other is going to be itchy or sneezing or feel like they have ants crawling up their legs, and none of that is sexy for anyone involved.
Watch it at night. Like, not evening. There will be a breeze and stars, which she’ll love. There are fewer mosquitoes. It will also be slightly cooler (see rule No. 4).
If you must watch during the day, screens should be easy to see outside. Blessed are we, the Old MacBook Keepers, for we do not have a glare on our screens. For you rich folk with the glass-screened laptops, do something, like put it in the shade.
There should be blankets to lie on, not chairs. Chairs and chaise lounges do not fit two people. Blankets do. They fit two people laying down, even. The proper ration of under-body blankets to over-body blankets is 3:1. This is important.
There should be a light beverage. Screw sparkling grape juice (sorry, Nice Boy, I’ve turned 21). Bring out something light and boozy. Like chilled white wine if you’re in graduate school or don’t have elevators in your apartment building. I foresee a lot of chilled white wine in my future.
There should be delicious treats. Like chocolate-dipped strawberries. Your chances of sleeping with the girl go up about 120 percent if they’re the kind that have little tuxedos of white chocolate, which is weird, because why the hell would fruit be wearing a tuxedo? Where is it going that it needs to get all black-tie? Who even thought of putting formal wear on a piece of fruit? Other delicious foods include nuts or bruschetta. Treats that aren’t delicious for eating while watching a movie outside include pot roasts, tacos or your leftover Chef Boyardee.
The movie should be old, or The Artist. There is something about old movies on a summer night. They’re slow and lazy and easy to watch. Also, they get boring about halfway through, which is great timing for really wholesome activities like debating whether the regionally-appropriate slang is “soda” or “pop” or holding hands chastely while talking about what your dream Mini Cooper would have painted on its roof.
The next time you want to watch a movie on a date, which is, like, all the time, and you’re not sure what to queue up, pull up this list of Tribeca Film Festival movies that you and your date will probably like, because they’re going to be that good. Not in New York? A lot of films will be available for you to order on Cable on Demand or online. Holla!
Bonus points if you both cuff your trousers and wear Ray Bans, but you don’t actually live in Tribeca.
Two Days in New York: Premiering at Sundance, this film ventures into rom-com territory, but Chris Rock is in it and the director/star is a hot French girl; so it’s totally fine. It’s basically another twist on the Meet the Parents thing, but there’s the French parents/American parents thing. If they stay away from “Freedom Fries” jokes, it should be pretty great. Movie snack suggestion? Baguettes dipped in Nutella.
Beyond the Hill: Because shit happens when you try to butcher a goat. Also, post-film drinks seem like a good way to discuss how you just saw a film about shit happening when you try to butcher a goat. But our simple suggestion: avoid Indian restaurants or other menus that feature goat for dinner?
All In: There’s poker and temptresses from the past. Aces.
Deadfall: It’s like Bonnie and Clyde but with someone your S.O. might have heard of called Eric Bana. Also, Olivia Wilde.
Ballroom Dancer: This documentary, screened at the film festival in the town in the middle of America, and by all accounts, it’s pretty damn good. Summary of endorsement from man friend: “I didn’t really want to go see this, because I’m not like…into male dancers, but it was fascinating to watch his life fall apart on camera.” So much guilty-pleasure reality voyeurism, and it’s ALL REAL.
Which Tribeca movie are you most looking forward to seeing with someone?
Guilty-pleasure movies = what you watch when your girlfriend is gone (“gone” as in “gone out” or actually “gone”), and your friends are busy, and you’re home alone, and there’s nothing on TV but wait…you kind of like that movie. The only movie that’s on and isn’t 300 for the billionth time. You can never tell anyone you like this film.
But you do.
A lot.
We polled a few guys for their favorite guilty-pleasure movies. Mind you, some of these guys are the kind of guys who are in the ROTC or work out just to use the weights and then have an excuse to have a brotein (not a typo) shake. I’d love to watch one of them watching Love Actually. Here’s their list below:
Striking out lately? Feeling a bit out of the game? Take inspiration from these guys, and get ready to find your mojo. These guys are guaranteed to make you feel like the coolest guy in the room, and even if you still feel lame, there are lessons to be learned.
The Dating Scene: Steve Carell’s character has never gotten lucky. Not ever. His friends (er…co-workers) decided to bro out and help their poor buddy get laid, but, ultimately, Steve’s character had to get confident and work out his awkwardness in 20 dates with the girl he wanted to be with before sleeping with her. In the end, and in some strange Apatow morality ploy, they get married.
Lesson learned: Stop talking about your action figure collection unless she’s genuinely into action figures. Gain a little confidence by getting to know the girl, and, eventually, you’ll be golden.
The Dating Scene: Kevin James is the quintessential awkward man, which necessarily incorporates lots of sweating in typically non-exhaustive situations and terrible dancing. He’s trying to woo a woman about three leagues above him, and he gets man-training from Will Smith (Hitch) to do so. Ultimately, she falls for him because she likes him, warts and all.
Lesson Learned: What can we take away from this? Even if you’re not an alpha male, nice guys finish first.
The Dating Scene: Blame it on way too much booze, but Seth Rogen’s slacker character did well after a night on the tiles with Katherine Heigl. That is, until, certain things were forgotten, which resulted in the plot of this movie.
Lesson Learned: If you need a bit of alcohol to approach a girl, fine. We’ve all been there in one way or another, but keep the drinking tame enough so you can speak to her properly. That means no slurred words or inappropriate comments. Be a gentleman. Also, don’t forget things.
The Dating Scene: What did it take for Steve Carell (yes, it’s him again) to rejoin the ranks of the loving living? Nothing less than Ryan Gosling’s Myagi guidance, an apparently unlimited line of credit and lots of humiliation via scathing one-liners and slaps to to the face. But, Carell played along and rather, um, enthusiastically.
Lesson Learned: If you’re stuck in a rut, it might help to give your look an upgrade by investing in those one or two key pieces that will give you that polished edge over the competition. Or find Ryan Gosling. Either way, just remember: you’re too good for the Gap.
Some movie dates can be a little far-fetched — who wants to film a movie about watching a movie? The directors have to come up with other options. Sometimes, they get a bit starry-eyed by their own big budget and forget us, the commoners who consider anything above $30 for dinner an outrage. Here are the dollars and cents for some of Hollywood’s most notable dates arranged in order of ridiculousness.
Sometimes Hollywood doesn’t make sense. Other times, it makes too much sense. And it’s always known for being unrealistic, which seems pretty far-fetched to us. We can’t count the number of times we’ve jumped out of an airplane on an inflatable life raft, landed all limbs intact in a river that conveniently lands us not only in the middle of an Indian adventure, but in a hot, emotionally detached archaeologist’s arms. It just gets old after a while.
No, we aren’t talking about dating, relationships or sex. But we do think this is basically an entire conversation you should be having on your next date. So here are some Hollywood movies that would be a lot better with leprechauns. They would explain a lot about the movie, whether it’s various plot elements or, perhaps, the entire reason for the movie’s existence. It’s a whole new kind of “green screen.”
Wall Street: Bud needs all the help he can get. The poor gent is just trying to survive honestly until Gekko goes and corrupts him. Then he needs more help at the end, when he’s a decent person again and going to be tried for all of his crimes. Also, any movie about money needs a pot o’ gold, Also, if there are any leprechauns still around New York who can work a little magic with real Wall Street, that would be great.
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance: The only reason this movie should even exist is if there were leprechauns in it. There is no excuse for this movie’s existence unless a passel of interns all decided they wanted to play with the special effects controls and needed $57 million to cover their transportation costs. Also, no one’s head can burn for three billion hours without them, I don’t know, dying.
National Treasure: Boston (specifically Old North Church) is where the treasure is located. Boston is also where a lot of Irish migrated to during the past few centuries and a place that still has strong connections to that country. It is more logical to assume that leprechauns immigrated than to believe that Cage & Co. could have solved the puzzle that fast without help from the wee green men.
Anything with Nicholas Cage: Srsly.
Meet Joe Black: This abhorrently slow movie would be sped up by lime-green top hats and a little mischief. Also a few pints, if we’re really getting into the Irish theme of the holiday.
Forrest Gump: Forrest learns how to gyrate from Elvis, makes a speech at the National Mall, exposes the Watergate scandal and witnesses most of the major historical events of the mid-20th century None of this could have happened without leprechauns, so I don’t see how no one’s come out and said anything about it. Les jeux sont faits, Robert Zemeckis!
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