Striking out lately? Feeling a bit out of the game? Take inspiration from these guys, and get ready to find your mojo. These guys are guaranteed to make you feel like the coolest guy in the room, and even if you still feel lame, there are lessons to be learned.
We’ve created our very own drinking game for the Independent Spirits, so don’t go out tonight. Stay in, watch the awards show, and get embarrassingly soused. Bottoms up!
So you’ve already got your bets placed for the dark horses and frontrunners of the Oscar race. When the nominations were announced early January 24, most came as no surprise. But the only thing more exciting than nomination announcements are the snubs. And boy, were there a few that riled up the fans and critics.
Given that it’s a new year, it would be nice to think that humanity has indeed evolved to a level more advanced than they were less than a month ago. This is, in fact, impossible on a biological level, but in the mysterious culture of dating, 2012 brings in a new set of dating norms. Listen tech-heads and the socially awkward, we’re breaking it down for you.
A lot of people say Ryan Gosling took the title of “Man of the Year” for 2011. But here at Reel Sex feel we are infallible predictors of everything and therefore declare with utmost and irrefutable certainty that he will also be the man of 2012. This is mostly because he cannot possibly be contained to one calendar year. Gosling is the man women want to date, a fact proven not only by the “OH MY GOD RYAN GOSLINGS” emitted by women at the mention of his name. Now pick up your notepad.
Striking out lately? Feeling a bit out of the game? Take inspiration from these guys, and get ready to find your mojo. These guys are guaranteed to make you feel like the coolest guy in the room, and even if you still feel lame, there are lessons to be learned.
The Dating Scene: Steve Carell’s character has never gotten lucky. Not ever. His friends (er…co-workers) decided to bro out and help their poor buddy get laid, but, ultimately, Steve’s character had to get confident and work out his awkwardness in 20 dates with the girl he wanted to be with before sleeping with her. In the end, and in some strange Apatow morality ploy, they get married.
Lesson learned: Stop talking about your action figure collection unless she’s genuinely into action figures. Gain a little confidence by getting to know the girl, and, eventually, you’ll be golden.
The Dating Scene: Kevin James is the quintessential awkward man, which necessarily incorporates lots of sweating in typically non-exhaustive situations and terrible dancing. He’s trying to woo a woman about three leagues above him, and he gets man-training from Will Smith (Hitch) to do so. Ultimately, she falls for him because she likes him, warts and all.
Lesson Learned: What can we take away from this? Even if you’re not an alpha male, nice guys finish first.
The Dating Scene: Blame it on way too much booze, but Seth Rogen’s slacker character did well after a night on the tiles with Katherine Heigl. That is, until, certain things were forgotten, which resulted in the plot of this movie.
Lesson Learned: If you need a bit of alcohol to approach a girl, fine. We’ve all been there in one way or another, but keep the drinking tame enough so you can speak to her properly. That means no slurred words or inappropriate comments. Be a gentleman. Also, don’t forget things.
The Dating Scene: What did it take for Steve Carell (yes, it’s him again) to rejoin the ranks of the loving living? Nothing less than Ryan Gosling’s Myagi guidance, an apparently unlimited line of credit and lots of humiliation via scathing one-liners and slaps to to the face. But, Carell played along and rather, um, enthusiastically.
Lesson Learned: If you’re stuck in a rut, it might help to give your look an upgrade by investing in those one or two key pieces that will give you that polished edge over the competition. Or find Ryan Gosling. Either way, just remember: you’re too good for the Gap.
Hey Buffs! We’ve all been told not to judge a book by it’s cover. Well, it would seem that movie news today is not what it seems. Ever heard of Michael Bacall? What if we told you that you already love his work? We also have some deceptive movie posters and the positive effects of John Carter (like we said, don’t judge!). In less misleading news, there are more Stephen King adaptations to be made and an industry legend on playing a legend. So put your assumptions aside and expect the unexpected with our morning links!
Who is Michael Bacall, you ask? If you don’t know him, prepare to meet him. TheHollywoodReporter
Ron Howard pushes WB for pricey Stephen King adaptation. Vulture
It’s getting closer and closer to the be-all and end-all of the award season, and with every passing award show, we learn more about what the film tastes are for the past year. The Independent Spirit Awards will be broadcast tonight at 10 pm on IFC and hosted by Seth Rogen. Dubbed as the alternative to the Academy Awards and hailed for its usually exciting and unexpected wins, the Independent Spirits have evolved in tandem with the definition of “independent,” and this year many of the nominees are also a part of the Oscar ballot. So, as we ‘Buffs watch which Indies pulled it out this year, here’s a little something to help us wind down and remind us what the award season is really about—having fun (not sobbing into our pillows or throwing things when our favorite film doesn’t win). We’ve created our very own drinking game for the Independent Spirits, so don’t go out tonight. Stay in, watch the awards show, and get embarrassingly soused. Bottoms up!
The Independent Spirit Awards Drinking Game
Take a sip…
- You wish Seth Rogen was still chubby.
- The camera cuts to Ryan Gosling with a sexy smirk on his face.
- The Descendants wins.
- Michelle Williams wins Best Female Lead.
- Take Shelter wins.
- Elizabeth Olsen is referred to as “coming into her own.”
- J.C. Chandor wins for Best First Screenplay.
- George Clooney appears on-screen with a toothy grin.
- For every person recognized in the In Memorium.
- If you giggle when the presenter reads The Redemption of General Butt Naked.
Take a shot…
- Michel Hazanavicius’s name is pronounced correctly.
- You can name three movies John Cassavetes acted in (you’re not drunk enough!).
- Ryan Gosling wins Best Male Lead.
- The person you picked for the Someone To Watch Award actually wins (we have no idea).
- Cedar Rapids wins.
Drink the whole bottle…
- Melancholia wins.
- Jean Dujardin wins over Michael Shannon for Best Male Lead (it’s over).
So you’ve already got your bets placed for the dark horses and frontrunners of the Oscar race. When the nominations were announced early January 24, most came as no surprise. The Artist and Hugo lead the noms, the ladies of The Help are shining brighter than ever before, and it looks like it could finally be Clooney’s year for Best Actor. But the only thing more exciting than nomination announcements are the snubs. And boy, were there a few that riled up the fans and critics.
Young and old shed a few years the world over when The Boy Who Lived waved his wand for the last time in Deathly Hallows: Part II. Audiences were essentially unanimous in thinking the final installment was a series’ best, with acting, action, and visual effects. And yet…Alan Rickman got not even a nod for his last act as the cunning Severus Snape. The film wasn’t even considered for Best Picture, despite the fact that it definitely grossed more than all the nine nominated movies combined worldwide! In fact, like a few of the other installments, Harry Potter was only appreciated in the visual department, for Art Direction, Visual Effects, and Makeup. We can’t help but be a tad offended by this.
But looking at Deathly Hallows: Pt. 2 from a genre standpoint, it’s hard to narrow the film down to one category. Fantasy? Action? Children’s movie? A combination of the three and more, which throws Oscar voters in for a loop. Though the J.K. Rowling books are geared towards a demographic under the age of 25, the films have reached populations of all age spans. Both the universality and ambiguity of who in the audience can relate and appreciate the film shows how voters were not swayed by an adaptation of YA fiction novels, no matter how great of reads they are or how well they translate on-screen.
Actor Ryan Gosling sure kept busy in 2011 with three starring roles in Crazy, Stupid, Love; Drive; and The Ides of March, not to mention his much-hyped role in last year’s Blue Valentine. No doubt he’s one of the hardest working thespians out there (good thing he still has time for the gym…), but come ON, voters! Give the man his due for something other than Half Nelson. It’s not enough that he was robbed of People’s Sexiest Man Alive by a tool; now he had to show off his muscles that much harder. Gosling is one of few actors who can say a mouthful within a script by saying nothing at all; shame the Academy Awards didn’t use those few extra votes wisely. But the Oscars rarely go for films so edgy and indie like Drive, which had many good aspects and even Albert Brooks’ terrifyingly-amazing performance to back it up.
And let’s not forget the man who dropped trou and made US, the audience, feel bad about looking. Steve McQueen’s Shame was one of the most provocative films of last year, and we’re not talking just about Michael Fassbender’s impressive member. The film made the viewer feel sorry for his nymphomanic character, and it seemed more violating than pleasurable watching Fassbender get it on with, well, everything on-screen. Hardly has an actor this year been so raw in a role, and we feel Fassbender, as a rising star of 2011 and 2012, deserves much more praise in the form of gold statuettes. Or at the very least, why not fill the awkward 10th spot of Best Picture nom with Shame, which portrayed a usually-euphemistic-looking New York City as a grim, gray place. McQueen and Fassbender were horrible robbed of such fine craft that we the audience so rarely get for our money’s worth at the theaters. It’s a damned shame that the NC-17 rating made the film so taboo for moviegoers and critics, who have truly missed out.
Are we just huffing and puffing here, or do you ‘Buffs agree with these snubs?
Given that it’s a new year, it would be nice to think that humanity has indeed evolved to a level more advanced than they were less than a month ago. This is, in fact, impossible on a biological level, but in the mysterious culture of dating, 2012 brings in a new set of dating norms. Listen tech-heads and the socially awkward, we’re breaking it down for you.
1. Turn off and stow all electronic devices. On a flight back from Orlando yesterday, the now-outdated “Please turn off all electronic devices” was replaced with, “Please turn off all cell phones, iPods, laptops, mp3 players, iPads, tablets, Kindles, anything with an off button.” There should be no Kindles on a date. A ringing phone will indicate that there is something more important than her right now at this moment that is supposed to be shared between the two of you. Also, if you use said phone to log your hookup on that “I Just Had Sex” app, you’re a tool.
2. Be anti-social (media) for a few dates. Facebook: The third. You want to get to know her through conversation, not by reading her profile. You also want to avoid starting conversations with, “So, saw you checked in at Whole Foods—are those salmon fillets still on sale?” Additionally, it gives her time to evaluate you before letting her friends creep on you, because both of those things will inevitably happen. While you’re at it, untag those photos of you with your arm around your ex. If you’re seeing a new girl, it’s time to untag the ex (not that it wasn’t after the actual break up).
3. One drink before dinner. You’d like to keep your vocal cords lubricated. She’d like to do something other than stand while you wait for your table. A drink gives you something to do during pauses in a conversation and a place to put your hand, which should not be on her.
4. The greeting is crucial. Hugs are for men; kisses on the cheek are for men who know what they’re doing.
5. WWRGD = “What Would Ryan Gosling Do?” Also, your new motto.
6. Should your inherent charm and good looks get you so lucky as to get lucky with a woman whom you have known (in all respects, including Biblical) for one night, there is no need to take her out to breakfast (note the infinitive phrase).
Instead: If she is at your place, offer to make her breakfast, or, if the fire department has stopped answering calls from your building after ill-fated attempts at toast, see if she wants to order in. The gesture is casual, thoughtful and, for her, easy to wiggle out of, should there be any sort of awkwardness or deep-seated regret (sorry). You are a gentleman for offering, and a gentleman is precisely what you should be after enjoying her company. A breakfast out, on the other hand involves a decision on where to go (“You choose, I really don’t care where we go.” ”Well, I don’t know what’s around here.”), time spent making yourselves presentable, awkward moments with the bill and potentially terrible coffee.
6b. Whether she declines or accepts about breakfast, exchange phone numbers. This shows that you are not some sort of testosterone-driven, vainglorious, playboy cad. If you are, call your mother, tell her you love her, and then go volunteer at a soup kitchen.
7. Doggie bags are okay. You are not less of a man because you did not finish your 24-oz. porterhouse. That slab of meat could normally feed between four and six people. You are, in fact, more of one, because you did not make your date sit through 20 minutes of watching you chew cow muscle while she delivered a desperate monologue about her sister Tiffany’s themed baby shower because your incapacitated (rather, over-capacitated) mouth was too full to hold up the other end of the exchange. However, do not take a doggie bag and then insist on swinging by your apartment to “drop it off.” Don’t be that guy.
8. If you should find yourself at a club attempting to meet women with whom you’d possibly like to date later, one should be datable. This means if you are going to dance like you’re in “Saturday Night Fever,” don’t.
8b. Also, a hint: Don’t check a coat. Freeze like a man (not visibly), or wear something light enough to keep on inside. Should you be fortunate enough to pick up a lovely lady in the club, with whom you might, in eight hours’ time, be offering her the meal mentioned in No. 5, you don’t want to spend half an hour in the coat check line making small talk like this:
“SO, THIS SKRILLEX -”
“WHAT?”
“SKRILLEX -”
“YOUR EX?!”
“WHAT?”
Save the chat for the taxi. Take her hand and go.
9. You pay. It might be 2012, but some things just don’t change—especially for the first few dates. She’s wearing heels for you; your wallet’s a bit emptier for her. All that suffering on the other’s behalf is actually very romantic in a twisted Victorian Gothic sort of way.
A lot of people say Ryan Gosling took the title of “Man of the Year” for 2011. But here at Reel Sex we feel we are infallible predictors of everything and therefore declare with utmost and irrefutable certainty that he will also be the man of 2012. This is mostly because he cannot possibly be contained to one calendar year. He is, in ways that extend far beyond his melty smile, scruffy face, soft-spoken voice, ability to break up street fights, un-Photoshopped (and Photoshopped) abs, ability to wear tuxes, ability to read aloud internet memes while turing a little red, perfectly-messed hair…
…Anyway, Gosling is the man women want to date, a fact proven not only by the “OH MY GOD RYAN GOSLING” emitted by women at the mention of his name. We turn to mush at his entrance on screen. Even in “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” a movie in which, for the better part of it, he played the kind of guy who in the real world would be in the douchiest frat on campus and then goes into the real world. Here he copes far better than he should be able to and sleeps with girls who know better but they do it anyway. It’s like a notch on a bedpost you craft a 48k gold trophy for and put in the freaking trophy case (is 48k gold even a thing?). Yes, we girls too can totally justify their poor, typically alcohol-induced decision-making, because we’d all make the same decision if given the chance.
While women may be the key demo putting Gosling on a pedestal, men’s magazines are also holding him up as the shining example of what men should aspire to be. It could be argued by some people, probably about five out of the seven billion of them, that Gosling is in fact the new George Clooney. Clooney has become too Hollywood, the icon of the icons. He is smooth, slick and charming.
Now enter Gosling and pick up your notepad.
This man is attractive to women because he’s still on the edges. He rules Hollywood, currently – just look at his films from last year – but he doesn’t wear a tux to Cannes. He wears a pajama tux. He doesn’t step out on to the streets of NYC to get some page space in the, “Celebrities! They’re Just Like Us!” pages (lies, by the way, since we can’t even afford organic spinach; we argue celebrities are not just like us). When Ryan Gosling steps out on the streets of NYC, he’s not getting organic spinach, he’s breaking up a street fight.
He is a Clooney at the beginning of a Clooney-esque career, as indicated by the poster for “The Ides of March.” The women who you hook up with and date will find him attractive for the next 20 or even 30 years, because right now, he looks swell, he acts well, and he can function in a world of internet memes and indie movies in a way that Clooney can’t.
For you, a man among men, this is important. In 2012, when Gosling reigns in the pages of GQ and Esquire and is sent enough paychecks from Hollywood to save every dolphin (because that is the animal he would undoubtably save, unless geese were endangered). This top man isn’t the one who is the undisputed top man (that is still Clooney), but the man who wanders into the spotlight nonchalantly. In other words, you don’t have to be everything all the time, but do the one or two things you do very well better. Spread the collar, sharpen the lapels. Open both sets of doors, not just the first. If you’re on the quiet side, speak a little more – you’ll be mysterious. If you’re the loud one, make sure the stories you tell are only the best ones (and the fresh ones).
That – the balance of accessibility and intrigue – is the secret to Gosling. Don’t show up in a pajama suit to take her out to dinner. You are not Ryan, unless you are Ryan and are reading this, in which case, we’d really love your number. Even if we have to travel to somewhere like Ft. Collins, Colorado, where you currently live though no one really gets that sort of sartorial daring. But back to the non-Ryans, try a blazer with a bright pocketsquare or something. The typical with the burst of unexpected.
Gosling will be a good man to follow, gents. He is the new Clooney, and Clooney, for a Hollywood eon, has been the man who wore the tuxes and charmed the ladies. But it’s a new year, and it’s time for a new Man of the Year.
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